We’ve all heard it: “Be a good girl. Don’t make a fuss. Say thank you and be grateful.” Cute advice when you’re five and your granny hands you a Chappie. Terrible advice when you’re thirty-five and your boss hands you a 3% raise that won’t even cover your monthly Woolies cappuccino habit.
The problem is that many of us were raised to be polite, agreeable, and—let’s be honest—a little too grateful. And while that might earn you compliments at a braai for being “so chilled,” it won’t buy you a house in Cape Town, let alone cover the cost of petrol for your Polo Vivo.
Why “Good Girl” Money Habits Don’t Pay the Bills
South African women are still earning, on average, less than men. Add to that career breaks, childcare costs, and the fact that we statistically live longer (cheers to that, but also—hello, longer retirement to fund!), and you’ve got a perfect storm.
So here’s the hard truth: being a financial wallflower isn’t cute anymore. Being bold isn’t greedy. It’s necessary.
The Power of the Ask
Let’s start with negotiating. Men have no problem marching into a meeting and saying, “I need R20k more.” Meanwhile, many women are out here rehearsing polite phrases like, “Sorry to bother you, but would it be possible to discuss a slight adjustment?” Sis, this isn’t a Pep sale—you don’t need to be humble.
Think of negotiating like ordering at Nando’s. You don’t walk up and say, “Sorry, I’ll just take whatever you think I deserve.” No, you say, “I’ll have the quarter chicken, hot, with peri chips and extra sauce, please.” Confidence. Clarity. No shame. That’s the energy we need to take into salary negotiations.
Investing Without Fear
And then there’s investing. Too many women wait until they feel “ready,” as if someone’s going to give them a certificate in Financial Bravery. Here’s the secret: no one feels ready. But if you can decode the difference between mielie meal brands or navigate a Checkers Sixty60 delivery slot, you can definitely figure out an ETF.
South Africa has plenty of accessible options: easy-to-use investment apps, unit trusts, even tax-free savings accounts that don’t require you to have a finance degree. Start small, but start. Compound interest is basically like stokvel magic—it grows while you’re busy living your life.
Breaking the Silence
We also need to get comfortable talking about money with each other. Imagine if we swapped braai gossip about who brought the best potato salad with tips about which bank has the best savings rates. Or if we normalized saying, “I asked for R10k more and got it!” the same way we gush about getting half-price sushi at Ocean Basket.
Money is not a dirty topic. It’s freedom, it’s security, and yes—it’s the difference between “budget wine” and that bottle of Steenberg sauvignon blanc you actually want.
Future You Will Thank You
Here’s the bottom line: your future self doesn’t want you to play small. She wants to sip rooibos on the veranda of her paid-off home, not stress about Eskom bills because she was “too polite” to ask for what she deserved.
So, stop being the “good girl.” Be the bold woman. Negotiate like your rent depends on it (because, honestly, it probably does). Invest like you plan to be fabulous at 85, because you will be—and fabulous in South Africa doesn’t come cheap.
Your money story is yours to rewrite. So go on—ask, invest, grow. Granny will still love you, even if you stop saying “thank you” quite so quickly.
LotsOfLove, SL
